I’m frustrated that it seems everyone is afraid or hesitant to ask me about radiation.
I, myself, think I should be in my 80’s receiving radiation but no, I’m 34. And, as I am always trying to find the positives… I tell myself my body is much stronger and able to take it than an older body would be.
Every day, Monday through Friday, I start my day with Radiation. I have to do this for almost 5 weeks. My appointment fluctuates between 7:40 to 8:40am daily. Fazal drives me, we say hello to the valet, who knows us now, grab our masks and walk in.
The way my doctor explained radiation was, “you are cancer free” (Amen) so this is basically “sterilizing” the area so the cancer never wants to grow back. (Please, please stay away.)
Of course I asked, if there were any C hiding in me, would this kill it? He said yes but there isn’t any there. My radiation doctor is a gem. I feel very lucky to have him during this process. Since I was diagnosed with Lobular Breast Cancer, what my surgeon described as “the sneaky cancer,” I always worry what if – what if it’s there and we couldn’t see it on the MRI but I have to push those kinds of thoughts out of my head.
The doctor recommended I do 20 sessions of radiation. 16 days of the full breast and a boost for the last 4 days. The boost is directed towards where the tumor was versus the whole breast.
Before you can do rad, you have to do a simulation. Another appointment I was crying at and scared of the unknown.
During sim they lay you on a table, naked from the waist up, with your hands above your head holding this little blue circle thing, for comfort… hah.
Then, you go back and forth through the CT scan to see where your insides are. Since my cancer was on the left, we have to be careful that the radiation doesn’t hit anywhere else, like my heart… more stress. I still wonder, why is it ok for my breast to take the radiation but not the other areas of my body.
Then, when they have everything placed in the right spots, they give you three permanent tattoos. They’re tiny black dots but they’re forever. The nurse warmed me that they feel like beestings and said said she knew from experience as she actually had 2 on her fingers from patients who “jumped.” Each one hurt more than the last but it was quick. It would have been cooler if they were a little flower or a warrior… something more than a dot.
I told myself my Mom was with me during this appointment and just tried to find a sense of calm. You have to lay so still every time you’re on these tables.
Then, when I had to go for my first radiation appointment, I was nothing short of a nervous wreck. But I’ll share more on that another time.